And finally he feels he can't say any of this because currentlyhe's playing the part of Kevin Daly, accomplished gay actor."Kevin?" she says, smiling kindly at me. "It's okay. You can be Kevinwith me." Kevin's freaking out a little bit," I say, turning around on the stoolto face Shayna, still using Ellen's voice. Ellen's smile. "I'm freakingout, a little bit," I repeat, concentrating to drop my voice in pitch,to move my speech into my chest, to ignore the reminders that keep meEllen. "Even when I'm on my own I can't stop," I confess."Oh you're not okay are you?" she says, barely a question, as sheinstinctively steps towards me and wraps her arms around me, bending atthe knee and hugging me close. I close my eyes and sigh, relaxing intoher comforting arms, and feel her stroking my hair."That's so nice," I whisper, but she shushes me, holding me for amoment before sitting next to me with a soft 'scoot your ass over' andwe hug, our bodies turned towards the other, touching legs and. You know, just to makesure." Oh right, you want me to do that? Big man you are Toby."He looked at me with a hint of guilt in his eyes, like he was betrayingsome big secret. He knew that I was more likely to able to defend myselfthan he could, simple as that. It must have been embarrassing from himto plead with his little sister to help. I felt momentarily sorry forhim, so I opened the back door and looked around.It was eerily quiet for a few seconds. The rain made it difficult to seemuch at all and it was cold, but I walked the length of the patio asToby cowered in the door way. I was just about to turn back for thehouse when something crashed against the fence, which made us both jump.Well, I say jump, it made Toby give a little squeal and leap in the air.I could just about see his face and it as clear he was immediatelyashamed that he'd done it.I slowly walked over to where the noise had come from, proud of myselffor being so brave. For a second I wondered what I'd do if there.
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